DEFINITIONAL CEREMONIES

For this practice, Michael White borrowed the term definitional ceremony from the work of cultural anthropologist, Barbara Myerhoff. White has suggested that this is the most powerful therapeutic practice that he knows.

All interested are welcome candidates for this process! Families or individuals are invited to ?share their story? in front of an audience of witnesses. During this sharing portion, Jodi will interview the person or family about recent steps, initiatives or achievements. Half way through the meeting, the family or person whose story is at the center of the definitional ceremony, takes an audience position and the witnesses share a re-telling of what they heard. Finally, the centered person or family is asked to reflect on the re-telling (a re-telling of the re-telling).

The re-telling doesn't just speak of the content of the story. It is not context for analyses, judgment, or suggestions because Jodi takes the responsibility to ask specific questions to the audience so that it becomes a practice of rich acknowledgment.

Here is a testimony from a mother who experienced a definitional ceremony with her daughter:

My daughter, Lydia, is 9yrs old and in third grade.  She is a very bright and gifted child in the arts, writing, drawing and music.  She is also very quiet and tends to be a bit of an introvert.  Unfortunately, her peers view her as being different and she became a target of bullying.

She was shut in a locker and left behind and couldn't get out.  The Vice Principal heard her crying from the locker and let her out, while school had already started.  She has had water poured on her head and her work in the classroom.  She was punched square in the back while doing sit-ups in gym class.  She had been punched in the arm daily with words like "I hate you" and "you are ugly" to back it up.  And repeatedly hit in the back of the head with folders, and books while doing her work.

Over time, this took a toll on her till she completely shut down in school.  She is in all the advanced classes and one of the smartest in her class and yet she could not finish tests, morning work or even eat her lunch in an appropriate time frame. I called it "checking out", she removed herself mentally from school.  I started visiting every day at lunch time and saw that she had no idea what was going on around her.  Lydia had stopped functioning completely.  She wouldn't even talk to her friends.  After going round and round with the school, we tried to have her removed from the classroom (which they said no, it would do more harm than good) we decided to focus on just Lydia and get her the help she needed to recover.  Our Pediatrician suggested we take her to see Jodi Aman.

Lydia loved her from the very first session.  She opened right up to her.  This was the side of Lydia we were loosing.  I saw signs of improvement with every session.  After a few sessions Jodi set up a "definitional ceremony" where she invited two teenagers and their mothers who had similar experiences when they were younger.  During this session Lydia talked to Jodi about her experiences while the girls listened as if an invisible wall stood between them and us.  When we were finished they talked about what they heard to Jodi and expressed positive things they noted about Lydia, still with an invisible wall.  Lydia listened to them talk about her and heard the good things they were saying.  This left such an impact on her that she used it and remembered these things while in school.

Lydia has returned to her very self confident ways and doesn't care what the other kids think.  They have left her alone and she is back to conversing and playing with her friends.  When I watch her now, it brings tears to my eyes, I am so proud of her courage and her strength.  Bullying has long term effects that lead to real psychiatric illnesses and even suicide.  Jodi put Lydia back on the right track and I believe she saved the quality of my daughters little life.  I can not express my gratitude enough!

Lydia volunteered to sing a SOLO on Flag day this year in front of the whole school and parents and she isn't even nervous.
Thank you Jodi for giving us our daughter back!

Click here to read more about the definitional ceremony from the Dulwich Center webpage.